Other People's Opinions
Fear of opinions is difficult to overcome but can be a powerful motivator
Happy Thursday, 👋
Starting a new hobby, playing sports, or launching a company. Trying something new often invites other people to voice opinions on our actions. Regardless of what others might say, our most vocal critic tends to be the voice inside our own minds.
We have yet to meet anyone who is an expert the first time they try something, but our internal voice works hard to convince us others are judging us when we do not have all the answers.
Danger of Over-Valued Opinions
When placing greater emphasis on the opinions of others, we often risk losing our initial vision or idea. Focusing our energy on the opinions of others leads to a constant cycle of adjusting and adapting our strategy or path. No longer are we in control of our path or purpose.
Trying to please everyone is another pitfall of focusing entirely on the opinions of others. Most new businesses develop a solution for a specific problem, but the team needs to be careful about not making it overly complex by incorporating every point of customer feedback.
Relying on Opinions
Managing external opinions involves establishing a feedback evaluation process. Often developing a list of questions can help us evaluate to what degree we should consider the opinions we hear from others. A few questions to consider include:
Is the person qualified to provide feedback or are they just giving an opinion?
Have they gone through something similar, or do they have experience in a particular area?
Is the voice in your mind giving this person greater influence than they deserve?
Do I need to be considering this suggestion or idea now or can it wait for another time?
We have worked with several founders who were anxious about opinions and suggestions they were receiving from others during the launch of a product. After writing each concern on a whiteboard, we asked them to analyze the list as if they were an advisor to the company. The exercise allowed them to approach the challenges from a different perspective, leading them to realize most of the opinions and concerns had already been addressed or were outside of the company’s control.
Fear of People’s Opinions (FOPO)
Our minds have an amazing way to convince us we know what other people might be thinking. Someone about to give a speech might expect the audience to critique their every word. The reality is most of the people in the audience may not even remember the presentation a day later.
Fear of People’s Opinions or FOPO causes us to lose faith in ourselves and our ideas. We focus more on trying to conform to the opinions of others and less on what we can control. For years Michael Gervais has studied world class performers to understand how they overcome a constant stream of opinions and critiques. We recently reviewed an early version of his book, “The First Rule of Mastery”, which covers a lot of his research and provides suggestions for how all of us can manage concerns about what others might think about us.
One of the points the book reinforces is the idea of regret. Specifically pursuing a life based on your true self instead of what others may perceive of you. The more we focus on the opinions of others, the less energy we have to pursue our true goals.
Additional Thoughts
Trying to constantly mold ourselves to fit into the box we believe others have for us can be exhausting. It causes us to forgo opportunities or ideas as we spend our time trying to somehow control the thoughts and actions of others.
Write down the opinions we hear from others along with what you believe they might be thinking. Then cross off the ones you do not believe and evaluate the rest from the perspective of being your own advisor. As much as our mind tries to convince us the opinions of others matter, the reality is most of the time we are the ones putting the most pressure on ourselves. Using the written list of opinions, become the one who directs where you apply your energy and efforts instead of allowing others to steer your course.
Wishing everyone a great weekend,
-The Caymont Ventures Team.